It all started at 5 am as I dragged my weary body out of bed asking myself why I was up at such a ridiculous hour.. and then I remembered. I had been looking forward to this early awakening all week.... Today was "first kayak trip of the year" day. Meeting with some fine folks at the Mineral Fork River, I had to be on the road by 5:30 to make sure I wasn't late. Gear had been packed, the only thing that remained was the loading of the boat and hitting the road... So.... a couple hours later, having had a lovely morning drive, setting shuttle up, we were on the water by about 10:30 am. The weather was PERFECT. Actually- sort of creeply perfect for April.... I mean, a girl can dream, but rarely do you see 85 degrees and sunshine the first week of April! The water wasn't as cold as I was afraid it would be either... in short... perfect paddling weather. Oh.. .and what a paddle it was. The water was clear, the company was good... and I had several amazing experiences. The overall river wasn't as scenic as it usually is because so many of the trees were bare... but somehow that made it even more amazing. Every where you looked new things were growing... little tiny leaves all over the place... some sticking straight up, some unfolding from pods, some with little "tree of life" (from avatar) thready bits everwhere. There were also redbuds everywhere... or whatever the trees with the purpleish buds are... beautiful. All the flowers of the day seemed to be blue or purple... little intense purple violets all over the place, banks of little blue flowers with a trumpety shape. They contrasted amazingly with the stark, bleached upper branches of the sycamores that overhung so much of the river.... still simple in their winter attire. The lack of overgrowth helped us to spot the single most amazing thing I have ever seen on a kayaking trip... we happened across a heron rookery. I lost count at 23, but there were probably at least 30 nests, all with huge agitated herons swooping around, occasionally perching on impossibly fragile twigs at the very toppy tips of the trees, which is where their equally fragile looking nests balanced carefully. How such large birds can manage in such places I can't imagine, but there they were... I could have watched them for hours, but they were clearly not happy about our presence, so the group slowly drifted downstream, watching the huge birds settle carefully onto the tiny twigs at the tops of the trees as soon as they were convinced we were no longer a threat. This was one of many moments today that I wanted desperately to share... pointing it out, vibrating with excitement... And the amazing thing is, if the trees had been leafed out, we never would have been able to see it. The day was filled with all sorts of things.... thousands of fish, three turtles, frogs swimming all the way across the river, a turkey peeking out of the brush on the side of the river when I was simply floating and it didn't know I was there. Life everywhere was vibrant and alive and it made my soul happy. There were two other moments I specifically want to remember. The first involved the moon. Drifting down the river by my self, letting the current carry me and just enjoying the world, I happened to look up over trees, over the bluffs on the side of the river, and caught a little glimps of the moon. It was very pale, easy to miss, just a sliver barely visable in the bright blue sky. It made me smile, sitting up there, watching us... and I do believe I said something along the lines "hello beautiful". Funny thing though... I continued looking around, enjoying the world.... and a few minutes later I looked back at the moon because I so enjoyed her presence up there... and she was gone. It made me smile and feel special and blessed that she let me glimpse her. After that, I thought, this has been an amazing day.... what else could possibly happen... well... apparently I wasn't done. Last, but not least, was a visit by a bald eagle. We spotted him in the distance, but he wasn't ready to be social, so we assumed we wouldn't see him again. He had other plans. We were looking at flowers on the bank when I happened to glance downstream to see one of the other kayakers waving and point over my head... when I looked up, I realized that the bald eagle had perched on a branch over the middle of the river, and I was in the process of floating directly underneath him....he didn't stay there long, and before the next kayaker got to that spot, we had all watched him take off and soar up river, only to give us one more flyover before leaving us behind. Most of the other people on the trip had seen their fill of bald eagles, having lived in places with populations, but that was by far the closest I have ever seen one, and the first time I've ever seen one in the wild. It was amazing.
By the time we finished the 9 mile paddle, we were all pretty tired. I was the only one who had come from Columbia, so I got changed and cleaned up, made sure no one needed help getting their gear set up and headed for home... it was a beautiful drive home.... still sunny, beautiful, and I couldn't wait until I got to a place with phone reception to be able to share my day. Dad beat me to it... I don't talk often to my dad... not nearly as often as I would like to, and he almost never calls me... but this time he did. It was a short conversation, but he was almost as bubbly as I was, talking about how close to paying off his land he is, and how happy he is with his life now. I can't being to put into words how wonderful it feels to hear that from him. I don't always understand what make him tick, and I wouldn't make the choices he has made, but I am thrilled that he is happy and that's enough for me... I called my sister after the chat with dad and shared his good mood... and mine. She was just walking out of the movie theatre so we didn't chat long, but it was good for her to know about how happy dad is too.
As I continued driving, I also got to watch an amazing sunset... the sky just slowely turned all those beautiful oranges and pinks as the sun drifted deeper and lower, becoming orange and red and beautiful as it sunk behind the trees and finally dissapeared from view.
There was still one more call to make though.... I had been waiting until I got home, but it was to the one person I wanted most to be able to share my day with, and who I most wanted hear my excitement. I called him almost when I walked in the door, but left a message when he didn't answer right away. His return call timing was excellent as it was just as i was standing on the porch outside watching the dogs in fading light. And what a beautiful evening it became too.... I was tempted to sleep outside...
Ah... and a wonderful conversation it was as well...starting with his distraction today by fantasies of me (he offered to share, I told him to hold on to it and show me later), conversations about the importance of touch, and how sometimes touch can BE making love (he quoted a movie about a woman dying with cancer and her frustration that she couldn't make love (meaning sex) and he answered that that is exactly what they were doing being together). We had a long conversation about touch, and a million other things. I bubbled over about the day, and how I wished he had been able to be there, and he said he was... think about the eagle. Ohhhhh..... And think about the energy.... just by sharing that, I was sharing the day with him, and including him in it. (I still maintain, though, that it would be amazing to get out on the water with him someday, but I do digress.... but I will also show him sometime the wonders of a kayak... canoes are great and all, but a kayak's the bomb!). I don't always get the energy discussions, but I can't deny that I was positively bubbling over today, and was totally and completely soaking in every leaf rustle, every little flower, every spot of bright green moss growing so securely on a bobbing log that might sink forever at any moment. We talked about nudity at Gaia, and how I wasn't sure I could deal with that concept- either for me or being around nude people. We talked about feeling the breeze on my breasts, and I confessed I don't think I've ever been in a position to do that.... finding a place private enough to be nude in outdoors isn't something I've really experienced..... I think he has decided that needs to change. We talked about me kidnapping him and taking him to the river (somehow that became pillaging... and then ravishing.... I'm sensing a theme here...) We talked about Beltaine, how it is celebrated, and why I have found 3 different dates for it. We talked about Seda and the dogs, his dream meadery (I added water/river/pond/creek to the requirements). We talked about his dad, and the song cat in the crade/ silver spoon and the fact that he remembered it winning the grammy, and his emotions at that time about it. We talked about the Kama Sutra, and I suggested he NOT send me the copy he has under his bed.... its better in person. :). We talked about so many more things that I can't get them all on here, and everytime I try I remember more...it was a long and very wandering conversation. It seems like every time we talk, we both say things that neither of us has shared before...
And then I confessed that I didn't think I had been entirely truthful with myself when I told him that we could be friends, we could be something undefined, or we could be something more... because, really, it isn't entirely true. I want to be something more, and I needed him to tell me if that isn't what he wants. I needed him to tell me if I had to rein in my heart and mine, or if I could let it continue to spin and bubble and soar with the thrill of discovery and passion and hopes and dreams. He said that he was trying not get ahead of himself/ourselves (and had been trying to hold things back because of the distance between us) , but his fondest wish would be that we could be.... best friends in the most complete ways (I'm finding the wrong words, but essentially, if you start with best friends, and let everything else grow from there, you have the foundation you need forever). I love his way with words. He quoted Shakespeare at me too, but that's a different discussion. We talked about the way that distance is probably a good thing right now... it forces us to take time, and we both could get a little crazy right now if we didn't have that space and time. He talked about a friend of his who said "never FALL in love... falling is a surprise, an unexpected"... discover, embrace, run into love.... those are the loves that last. Did we label it? no. Did we define it? no. Do we both think that there is something really special here, and we're trying to let it grow and mature and blossom without caging it? Yes. And, knowing that he thinks the same way, I'm ok with that. In fact, I'm ecstatic. Today has been the most amazing day. Now I'm going to go put aloe on my sunburn, and wait for his call to wish me good night. ( which he did.... he's remarkbably good at saying all the right things, and when he whispered that he was there, blowing on my neck, then sholders.... I had to cut him off... a girl can only take so much. :] )
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